The Host

Expectations:
At the beginning of the month, I couldn't really decide if I should attempt to fit The Host into my movie schedule. Anything written by the Twilight author can't be THAT good, but I was willing to give it a shot. Then, after seeing the measly 12% positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, I was officially ready to watch almost anything else (except for G.I. Joe). However, at this point, it was too late. I had already told my girlfriend (huge Twilight fan) that we could go, and I was not getting out of it. So, with my expectations depleted, I headed out to watch a Twilight-written Invasion of the Body Snatchers, hoping that there would be very little sucking face and a lot of socking faces in. With my expectations being so low, The Host had an opportunity to surprise me.

Plot:
Well, the premise was far from original, but the biggest problem was the strangeness and awkwardness of the conversations between Melanie (Saoirse Ronan) and her body-snatcher Wanda the Wonderer. There is nothing logical about a girl having a conversation in her own head with an alien life form that has taken over her body. However, The Host did an absolutely awful job of displaying that unnatural conversation. I just couldn't take any part of the movie seriously, because it almost felt like a comedy, as if it were a sketch on Saturday Night Live. I'm still baffled that the director and/or Stephanie Meyer couldn't figure out some better way to display this conversation. I think the story could have been good if I wasn't laughing at the awkward stupidity throughout. But, I was laughing at the awkward stupidity throughout.

Characters:
The Host was one of those films that centered on one character with the potential for a future that focuses on many characters, much like The Hunger Games. Katniss was the obvious focus of the first film, but I have a feeling that we will delve deeper into many more characters as the movie series moves along, even though she will remain the focal point. Melanie/Wanda was at the very center of the entire storyline, but there were many others around her. They just weren't given a chance to really develop as characters. If these characters would have been given a backstory of some kind, I might've been a bit more interested in their well being, but, instead, I didn't really feel like I was supposed to care about anyone, aside from Melanie/Wanda.

Negatives:
The Seeker, played by Diane Kruger, was undoubtedly the most annoying of the characters in the film, and she just popped up at random moments. Sure, every alien invasion movie needs a villain, but that villain should not be so attractive or annoying. Additionally, I could not stand either love interest. Both Ian, played by Jake Abel, and Jared, played by Max Irons, were randomly thrown into the mix. Jared was not as random, but Ian was head over heels for Wanda in less than three minutes, as was Wanda for him. Love stories rarely work for me, because I'm not a teenage girl. However, these relationships were so illogical and weird that I could not help laughing my butt off at some of the moments that were meant to be serious.

Positives:
Although her decision to play Melanie/Wanda was completely dumb, Saoirse Ronan is a terrific actress with a very bright future ahead of her (and she looks 10 times better than Kristen Stewart). Unfortunately, The Host was not a film that will be receiving many accolades in the acting categories, for Ronan or anyone else. I did like Jamie, played by the young Chandler Canterbury, but that was about it.

Conclusion:
Was The Host better than Twilight? ABSOLUTELY... Was The Host better than anything else? NOT MUCH... Unfortunately, this film was unable to exceed my low expectations, and Rotten Tomatoes, once again, predicted my lack of love for this young-adult adaption. The problem was not the story (I hope Stephanie Meyer reads this somehow). The problem was the way the story was put on screen. The film was directed by Andrew Niccol, who directed In Time (back in 2011), and the film had the same feel as In Time did--dull and quiet. Luckily, I do have some good news... Because the film bombed so hard last weekend, I don't expect we will be seeing a sequel to The Host on the big screen. Actually, the young-adult novel adaptation phase of Hollywood's storied history is finally coming to a close. THANK GOD!!! I give The Host 2.02 out of 5 stars, because the last Twilight film got 2.01 out of 5.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Expectations:

What to say... What to say? I'm just not a fan. I've tried a little, and I'm just not! I have absolutely nothing against people who do like it, and I even understand why they try to shove their love for it down my throat, because I do the same thing for movie series that I love. Somewhere out there is someone who doesn't like Batman, and I'm sure they got sick of me talking about it, just like I got sick of hearing about Twilight (3 or 4 years ago). So, I'm not bitter! I just want to make that clear. My expectations were low, because I have seen the first fifteen or so movies, and they were not to my liking. However, all of my critical comments are solely as a movie-lover and not as a Twilight-hater. I hope I'm not hung after this review...

Plot:

Without a doubt it my mind, this film had the best storyline of any of the Twilight films. The twisty ending absolutely stunned me, probably because I really liked the fake part. No mass of teenage girls would have loved a book or movie that ended that way though, so I guess we had to have a freakin happy ending yet again! Oh well, at least I got to enjoy Twilight for ten minutes or so. My biggest complaint concerning this film is the lack of presence of the bad vampire guys in the earlier films. I know they were there; and I knew they were going to be important; but were you really worried about the bad guys when Jacob and Bella and Edward were all falling in love with each other? NO!

Characters:
The character end of things has always been the kicker (in a bad way), for me at least, when it comes to the Twilight series. We all know how much the teenage girls love each and every character on the show, mostly because of their actor's attractiveness/paleness/Indian tan. I am pleased to let you all know that I am not a shallow person, nor will I fall for a movie because of some hot girl in the film. Because of the lack of positives, I have decided to avoid the positive/negative contrast in this review. I will tell you that I believe Robert Pattinson will have a very bright future in acting and may be able to win an award or two along the way. As for the rest of the cast, I have nothing positive to say, and that is all.

Conclusion:
Although Breaking Dawn Part 2 was no where close to being as good as The Avengers, it was even further from being as bad as Breaking Dawn Part 1. The fight scene at the end would have made for better ending if it had been true, but, as I said, no girls would have enjoyed that. If that would have been the true ending and the girls would have enjoyed it, then I would have a greater hope for humanity. However, my hope remains the same. But wait! Guess what! The best news in the world just popped in my head as I was finishing this review! I have watched a new Twilight film for the last time!!!!!!!! Let us all rejoice, at least until they remake them, and let's begin praying (right now) that better actors are on board for the remake. But, let me end with a kudos to the filmmakers for the tricky ending. I give Breaking Dawn Part 2 2.01 out of 5 stars.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Expectations:
Read the film title!!!

Plot:
While I didn't expect much, I was not really let down. Was it Oscar-winning? Heck no!!! But there actually was a story, which is saying something for any slasher film. The most unrealistic aspect of the whole film was the ample amount of blood that flew from each and every individual that was given a small cut. However unrealistic, I actually felt as if they did a good job of not over-exagerating the fact that this was Abraham Lincoln. Sure, they used Mary Todd, the Gettysburg Address, and slavery, but it never felt like they were trying to force it down your throat. They realized that the story was not true prior to telling it, which really helped it along in my opinion.

Characters:
Overall, the character depth was lacking, as would be expected. Aside from Abraham Lincoln (played by Benjamin Walker) and Henry Sturgess (played by Dominic Cooper), there was no story at all for any of the films other characters. It made the movie even more shallow than you might originally expect.

Negatives: Anthony Mackey's Will Johnson and Jimmi Simpson's Speed were two character that really played a large role in the film's storyline. However, I never really felt like they fit. Johnson, Speed, and Lincoln would be casually walking around the White House (talking about vampires of course), and it just wasn't at all plausible. On top of that, I never thought the vampires were quite scary or mean enough to take on Honest Abe and his gang. They were certainly more vampirely than those sissy Twilight vampires, but I wanted them to be downright bad! But they weren't...

Positives: Walker's turn as Lincoln was quite impressive in my opinion. I have seen many documentaries or films that involved bringing President Lincoln to life, and Walker outdid any performance that I have seen before. Was he flawless or Oscar-worthy? Heck no!!! However, it could have been much worse. He might have a bright career ahead of him!

Conclusion:
With my expectations being as low as possible for a movie I would pay $7 to watch, I would say that Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter greatly exceeded said expectations. All it took was a pretty good Lincoln and a so-so story to make one of the worst ideas ever into a so-so movie. Just to warn everyone, this isn't a true story, yet it is a story that can satisfy that guilty pleasure whole in your heart. While I won't be rushing out to buy this film on dvd, I would suggest it for anyone who loves to see excessive amounts of blood shed for no apparent reason. If you don't like those kinds of movies, then just go stare at a penny for a while!  I give Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 2.36 out of 5 stars.

The Hunger Games

Expectations:
Heading in to the theater, I knew that this film was going to produce one of the most interesting reviews of 2012. The question was whether or not it would be because I loved the film or because I was forced to rain on everyone's parade. There was a lot of doubt in my mind heading in, mostly because I'm not a big fan of the obsession that is caused by a popular book series being turned into a popular movie series. The biggest problem I have is the fact that most of these films HAVE to be dilluted down, in order to appeal to mass audiences. It is difficult for me to judge these aspects. without having read the book, but there is only so much that you can portray with that coveted PG-13 rating. Kudos to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo for not caring. My main wish for The Hunger Games, however, was that it would not be Twilight...

Plot:
I will say this right off the bat... this storyline was ten thousand times more intense than I expected. Heading in, I didn't know too much about the storyline, but I had an idea, based on the trailer and the overwhelming gossip. After seeing the film, I was very impressed. It took me a minute to get into the movie, but, once I did, there was never a dull moment. However, there were a few issues. From a story perspective (which is not the fault of the movie makers), I thought the whole thing was a bit predictable. There were plenty of great moments, but never a true WOW! moment that takes the movie over the top. From a movie making perspective (which is not the fault of the author), the biggest issue was with the action scenes. The camera was literally four inches from the actors' faces, which made action scenes turn into giant blurs. The intensity of the idea of these teenagers killing each other is soooo massive and complex, but the intensity is lost when you can't tell what's going on.

Characters:
I think the characters were a bit of a low point for me. Certainly, Katniss was a great leading character, and Jennifer Lawrence did a fantastic job. The problem was that, beyond Katniss, there was absolutely no character depth. I'm sure that reading the book would fill a bit of that void, but that shouldn't matter. There are plenty of movies based on books that have phenomenal character depth, so it's just not an excuse. I couldn't take Stanley Tucci (as Caeser Flickerman) seriously, at all. Donald Sutherland was not at all intimidating as President Snow. Woody Harrelson proved, yet again, that he can't do serious. The biggest problem, however, wasn't an acting issue; it was a character issue. That issue shone bright with the characters of Peeta and Gale (played by Josh Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth). I never, ever felt like they had any character depth. In the Twilight films, I know to cheer for Edward, because he isn't a little girl like Jacob. With Peeta and Gale, I didn't even know which one to cheer for. Gale said like three words, and Peeta had no depth. He liked Katniss and didn't want to die. That's it!

Best Character: This one was easy. Rue, played by Amandla Stenberg, was absolutely the best and toughest character of them all, and she was only like 12. She is the only character that I really, really loved and well...

Worst Character: This one was also easy. Seneca Crane, played by Wes Bentley, was the worst character and was given the worst performance. I don't know how emotionless he was supposed to be, but he had zerooooo character.

Conclusion:
Was this movie the best thing since sliced bread? Absolutely not. However, my review may come off a bit harsh. The main reason that I pointed out all of these negative aspects was because nobody else seems to be doing so. I'm just a little sick of hearing how amazing it is, when there are obviously flaws in both the movie and the story itself. If this movie had gone with the more raw approach that we saw with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, it would have been so, so good. But, let's put that aside and give The Hunger Games the credit that it is due. Any film that can make $152 million in one, single weekend deserves to be praised. I am certainly glad that I could be a part of that statistic, and I honestly can't wait to see the next film. I give The Hunger Games 3.33 out of 5 stars, and may the odds be ever in your favor...

The Notscars 2011

Well, I hate to say it, but 2011 was a rather crappy year for movies. 2010 was one of the best in a while, but I guess they just couldn't keep up the good work. Obviously, I don't watch the movies that I believe look dumb, so it is hard for me to give an accurate list of the worst of 2011, but this is my attempt. You can consider this more of a "most surprisingly bad" movies list, considering I wouldn't have watched if I didn't expect a little something good. Nevertheless, here is the worst in 2011 movies. They are listed from pretty bad to awful (#1 being the worst).

Worst Actress in a Drama or Comedy


#5 - Kristen Stewart (The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I)

I know there are some Twilight fans that read my blog, and I'm sorry if this upsets you. Kristen Stewart is not a good actor. I firmly believe that Robert Pattinson has a very bright future, but Stewart is an awkward person in an awkward role. She fits, but she doesn't shine. In this movie even more so than the first three, she just didn't impress me. She probably doesn't make a worst list for any of the other Twilight movies, but this one was bad for her.



#4 - Blake Lively (Green Lantern)

Firstly, Blake Lively shouldn't have brown hair. Secondly, she should stick to her ditsy Gossip Girl roles. She can't even act like she has a good amount of intelligence. Thirdly, she isn't at all to blame for Green Lantern sucking. She just sucked alongside a sucky movie.





#3 - Leighton Meester (The Roommate)

Meester is certainly a young, annoying actress that really needs some coaching, but this was just rediculous. I'm not a huge fan of scary movies, but I have seen at least 100 that were better than this film. Meester was just the icing on a rotten cake. It probably wasn't all her fault, but she is getting the blame from me.



#2 - Lucy Punch (Bad Teacher)

You might think that Cameron Diaz deserves the blame for Bad Teacher sucking so bad, and you would be right. But we can't forget about Lucy Punch, who was probably just as awful as Diaz. Punch was hilarious in Dinner for Schmucks in 2010, but she just couldn't quite pull this role off. I don't know what the problem was, but there certainly was a problem.

#1 - Cameron Diaz (Bad Teacher)

Wow! This movie was awful. And who better to pin it on than the lead actress herself. I must admit that I'm not a huge Cameron Diaz fan in the first place, but I really thought this movie was going to be good. Unfortunately, it was absolutely horrible. Earning Diaz the award of worst actress in 2011!






Worst Actor in a Drama or Comedy


#6 - Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Moneyball)

Phillip Seymour Hoffman has the ability to play one of the widest ranges of characters, from Capote to the crazy guy in Twister. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to play a Major League Baseball manager. This has to be one of his worst roles ever. He was just an awkward and unnecessary part of a great movie.




#5 - Ken Jeong (Transformers: Dark of the Moon)

What a funny man, and what a waste! I absolutely love all things Transformers, even through critics hate the movies. Unfortunately, Jeong's character was rediculously unnecessary and hopelessly stupid. Made me want to make a face like Mr. Wittwicky's here. Just go watch The Hangover if you want to feel better about him.






#4 - Hank Azaria (The Smurfs)

I am certainly not a kid, so maybe I missed the punchline with Azaria, but I doubt it. He wasn't funny. He was annoying. Kids go to movies to laugh, and I heard very little laughter when Azaria was on screen. Oh well.






#3 - Ian McShane (Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides)

Ian McShane is one of the scariest men to look at in the entire world!!! I have nightmares of getting into a staring match with him. Add to that, Blackbeard is just a scary pirate name, regardless of who plays him. However, Blackbeard was very very very not frightening, and there is no one to blame but McShane himself. It's just unfortunate. That's all.




#2 - Taylor Lautner (The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I)

Sorry girls, but it's just awful. I thought maybe he would get better as time passed, but I'm afraid there may be no hope for Lautner. I have provided a naked picture of him, in order to make you feel better about my harsh comments. At least he is only next to worst!






#1 - Patrick Dempsey (Transformers: Dark of the Moon)

Once again, Mr. Wittwicky's face perfectly describes my emotions: "Why is he even here????". Transformers would have been twenty times better if McDreamy would have stayed at home. Nobody understands Michael Bay, but this move was ridiculous. Unfortunately for Dempsey, this role will grab him my award for Worst Actor of 2011!



Worst Picture


#6
The Tree of Life

I truly and honestly HATE! to admit that I am at any fault in basically any situation. I will argue with anybody until they realize that I am right (usually they just get sick of arguing and walk away). With that being said, The Tree of Life blew my freakin mind. I didn't understand anything that was going on. The movie has gotten great reviews and has a chance for a best picture nomination, so I figured I didn't need to miss out. I tried so hard to comprehend the stupid thing, but it just wasn't happening. While I am an average guy, I usually don't mind the "critic's choice" type movies. Sure The Social Network should have won best picture last year, but The King's Speech was fantastic, regardless of what you think. Even with my patience and brains and appreciation for good movies, I had zero clue what was going on in this stupid stupid film.


#5
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I

For one of her Christmas presents, I agreed to watch Breaking Dawn with my girlfriend, who had been begging me to go. As a kind gesture, I didn't write a review on the movie, in order to avoid upsetting the fans of the Twilight movies. However, when I sat down and compared all of the movies I have seen this year, it was necessary to include this film on my list of worsts. While I have previously dogged the acting a bit, the real issue can be boiled down to one single problem: they should have made just one movie for the last book. As I sat there watching, I just couldn't believe how drawn out the entire thing was. I mean, COME ON! It was like 30 minutes of wedding, then 30 minutes of honeymoon, then an hour of pregnancy! If you cut those times in half, you come up with one hour, which gives you plenty of time to add the rest of the info from the last book. If they had made one movie for the last book, it probably (more like possibly) wouldn't find itself on this list.



#4
The Smurfs

As I said in my review of this film, I am a huge fan of the classic Smurf cartoons, so I felt obligated to go watch this movie. As I sat in the theater, I quickly realized how obligations often suck. This movie was so very far from funny! It was just plain awful. I can't remember a single good thing about it. Maybe the little kids loved it, but I just highly doubt anybody in their right mind could have enjoyed any portion of this movie. I didn't hear much laughter from the kids, and laughter is traditionally how you measure whether a kid enjoys a movie. They don't care about plot structure! I just hope these kids are given a chance to watch the old cartoons, so they can really know what The Smurfs are all about.




#3
Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides

When I heard they were making a fourth Pirates movie, I immediately knew it was gonna suck. The Curse of the Black Pearl is my favorite movie of all time. There is no telling how many times I have watched it. When you watch the first three movies, you long for more and more Jack Sparrow, because he is obviously what makes the movies. So you would think he would be ok without Elizabeth and Will to balance his idiocy. Unfortunately, he was not. There was too much Jack Sparrow, and none of the additional cast was good enough to correct the issues. As you saw already, i was not impressed with Ian McShane in the villain role, and they made Barbosa a good guy? What is wrong with these people???? While I'm sure they will continue to ruin the franchise, this guy knew ahead of time that they should have stopped while they were ahead.



#2
Bad Teacher

So you would expect that an R-rated comedy with the word BAD in it would be rather vulgar, perhaps just downright ridiculous. You would think that kids would be cursing left and right and the whole movie would consist of Cameron Diaz washing her car in that skimpy outfit. Well, if you expected these things, you would not win the prize with Bad Teacher. I just don't understand how this movie could be soooooo bad. It seems like such a great idea, and the cast was fantastic! Ahhh! I hate it when good ideas are wasted, and Bad Teacher is one great idea that went right down the crapper. They should have really just called the movie BAD, because that's all it was.


#1 (Worst of the Worst)
Green Lantern

In brightest day...... Green Lantern sucks. In darkest night...... Green Lantern sucks. In the in between of dusk and dawn....... Green Lantern continues to massively, perpetually SUCK. If you haven't seen this movie, I almost have to hold back the urge to tell you to watch it. If I had to suffer through it, then so should you. Originally, I was so so very excited about this movie. The costume looked cool. Ryan Reynolds is funny yet manly enough to be a superhero. Peter Sarsgaard is as scary as a bad guy can be. Plus, Blake Lively is smoking hot. I mean, this movie had so much going for it! Then I saw the trailer, and my expectations dropped from high to hopeful. Maybe they are just holding back on the good stuff, I thought to myself. Unfortunately, they held back on the good stuff for the entire length of the film. Let me give you three reasons why Green Lantern is the worst movie of 2011. #1- Too much CGI. The suit was never actually a suit. It was always digital. Reynolds probably wandered around the set naked through the entire filming process. Also, the secondary characters were as real as the smurfs. Actually, the smurfs probably would have done a better job. #2- The storyline was awful. Nobody could have possibly given a crap about Ryan Reynolds in the amount of time they used to introduce him. He was supposed to be getting this sort of "second chance," yet we never knew he had a first chance. #3- (This is the big one) The movie was WAAAAAY too short. They spent almost an hour and a half setting up the story by explaining who Hal Jordan was and who the green lanterns were. Then there was like two seconds of action where the Green Lantern was struggling to defeat the evil bad guy. Then, as a "great finale," he does what he should have done at the beginning of the two seconds in order to defeat evil bad guy. That's pretty much it. I can only hope that next year doesn't feature as many just plain awful films. At least none that are as bad as Green Lantern.


Here is a list of movies that I deemed too dumb to watch in 2011. These movies would probably be joining the worst list if I had watched them:

• Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star
• Shark Night
• Real Steel
• Cowboys & Aliens
• Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
• Sucker Punch
• Larry Crowne
• Conan the Barbarian
• Change-Up
• Abduction
• Footloose
• Happy Feet Two
• Jack & Jill
• The Darkest Hour

***To everyone who has been discouraged by the results of The Notscars, please do not be sad. In a few weeks, I will give you a list of the best in movies from 2011. Keep checking in over the next month for that list plus new reviews!

A Look Ahead to 2012

The first half year or so of my blogging has gone extremely well, and I just wanted to thank everyone for reading. I have enjoyed being able to express my opinions on the movies I watch, and I hope that I have provided valuable information to either encourage or discourage your desire to watch certain movies. As always, if you ever have any suggestions on how I could make the blog even better, please let me know!

With 2011 coming to a close, I just wanted to give you a little taste of what's to come in 2012, for the blog and movies in general. I'm sure I will be making constant changes to the way I write the blog, but, if I ever do something that you don't like, do tell me. While I do write the blog for my pleasure, I mostly write to be heard, and I want to give you what you want to hear. In late January, I will be giving you a list of nominees and winners of the first ever "Notscars." This will be an opportunity for me to let you see the worst of 2011 movies. It will be a fun read, as I will be hating on many actors, actresses, and movies. If the crappy movies make you sad, do not fear. In February I will bring you my version the Oscars, giving you a list of nominees and winners from what I believe to be the best of 2011. The real Oscars will air at the end of February, so my lists will be out before theirs, to secure that they are not influenced by the real Oscars.

I will continue to give you a monthly list of movies that I want to see (Great Expectations). This simply allows me to get the word out about which movies are coming out each month, for those of you who don't keep up with it like I do. If you didn't notice, I cut out the Movie News segment of the blog, mostly because I didn't have time to keep up with it. If you do want to keep up with what's going on in Hollywood you can check out IMDB's news section or go to FirstShowing.net. I don't have any marvelous new ideas for the blog, but, if I do come up with one, I will certainly go with it. Along with the special Notscars and Oscars, I will probably do a summer movie preview in April or May and a summer movie wrap up, like I did this past August.

I believe that is all that I myself have for you. For those of you who can't wait for next year, here is a list of big time movies coming out in 2012:

The Woman in Black (Feb. 3)

The Hunger Games (March 23)

American Reunion (April 6)

The Avengers (May 4)

Men in Black III (May 25)

Brave (June 22)

The Amazing Spiderman (July 3)

The Dark Knight Rises (July 20)

The Bourne Legacy (Aug. 3)

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (Nov. 16)

Les Miserables (Dec. 7)

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Dec. 14)

Life of Pi (Dec. 21)

World War Z (Dec. 21)

Django Unchained (Dec. 25)